As a marriage and family therapist, people come into our office often searching for remedies and solutions of sorts to stop the agony and pain that they are experiencing in their relationships. Many of them have done well at keeping lists and have been valiant warriors in the games of tit for tat. They almost always struggle with identifying their once loved ones efforts to maintain the relationships love tank. Couples struggle to relate to one another when they fail to trust. I believe trust is an essential building block on which thriving relationships are built. So lets break it down.
Trust in its simplistic definition is: A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength or someone or something. The Hebrew language defines the word as Batach or to have confidence in, to be sure of and to be secure in. Wow! what a mouth full from such a small word. So at the depth of many of our clients concerns I hear them saying "we have fallen out of love with one another" which interpreted through the lens of trust says "we have stopped relying on one another’s ability to be true, capable and strong. We have lost the ability to believe the best about the person and their intentions and we/I struggle to feel confident in them as a partner". Now many people won’t outright say this to their partner but underneath their snarky remarks and disappointment lie their unmet needs and shattered expectations.
3 Tips to building trust in your relationship:
-
Make time for one another. This is uninterrupted time, not filled with a list of to-do’s and no distractions. Focus on your partner and
-
Listen intentionally to their words. It is better to understand than to be understood, for with understating comes knowledge and wisdom that help make an impact on the relationship.
-
Communicate! Communicate! and Communicate! maybe you’ll have to schedule this in but communicate about your expectations. How can your partner support you if it’s not clear what you need?
-
Believe the best about them. This one is pretty challenging but it helps the brain begin to develop a learned pattern wired for redemption and grace rather than one that is more aware of wrong and prone to accusation. When we train ourselves to see the good in others it is truly man having dominion over the brains negative bias.
Trust is definitely difficult but its achievable when people are willing to dare towards change.
Are you and your partner struggling to trust one another? Contact us today for help.